


The Meaning of Happiness

by RaspPassion_Tea



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Beaches, Comfort, F/M, Feelings, Fluff, Identity Issues, Immortality, Implied Relationships, Life Choices, Light Angst, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Moving On, Moving Towards the Future, Other, Self-Worth Issues, The Meaning of Life, ah tagging. my old frenemy, and it never will, beacheeeeessss yes, but mostly - Freeform, it's a part of the narrative, looking back. this was /very/ self-indulgent haha, steven universe future still doesnt exist in my canon, thinking of the past
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24556825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaspPassion_Tea/pseuds/RaspPassion_Tea
Summary: “Have you ever heard of the debate on the meaning of life?”~“I can't seem to avoid that question anymore,” he laughed bitterly at the end. “...Where’d you hear about it?”~“I’m… not sure. But it's almost like I can't avoid it anymore."Spinel and Steven have a long discussion about what life should be about for someone who seems to already have it laid out for them
Relationships: Spinel & Steven Universe, Spinel/Steven Universe
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	The Meaning of Happiness

**Author's Note:**

> I deadass have no clue if the title fits the story ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

“Have you ever heard of the debate on the meaning of life?”

Steven was currently lying on his back on the ground, yet the sudden question was unexpected enough to make him jump back and into a sitting position. His eyes took a second to adjust, but as soon as they did he saw Spinel, clear as day. Lying on her stomach but sitting up by her core strength, on top of a boulder watching the waves crash onto the cliff holding up the lighthouse from the distance with a blank expression on her face. Which, strangely enough, didn’t match the soft, frightened way her voice asked the earlier question, almost breaking at the end.

Steven frowned at that. Instead of answering, he briskly made his way over to the boulder Spinel was currently residing at, and climbed on top to the level she sat on.

He sat with his legs dangling over the edge of the boulder, looking over at the sunset. He didn’t say anything yet. Just admiring little therapeutic bits of the moment. Like how Spinel's pigtails seemed to move in sync with the cool breeze, or how every time new waves would bounce into existence in the distance, he could so the orange tinted sun in the horizon.

Letting the moment pass by, he finally turned his head toward her and responded, “I can't seem to avoid that question anymore,” he laughed bitterly at the end. “...Where’d you hear about it?”

She breathed out some air, looking down at her increasingly fidgety hands. “I’m… not sure. I think maybe it came on my own. Thinking about how things were ever since I’ve decided to move on and make bigger steps after everything.” Steven noticed she was practically struggling to get her thoughts out. “And then I heard lots of people talking about it. As if me thinking about myself triggered my ears being opened to talk like that.” She quickly pushed herself up into a sitting position and laid her head in Stevens lap and muttered deafeningly softly, “And now. It’s all I’ve been thinking about the past few days.”

He didn’t try to interrupt her. He just listened. And what he heard was her voice start to fade out as she choked out those last words, liquid pricking at the corner of her eyes. At that he began caressing the top of her head. She seemed hesitant at first, but ended up immediately melting at his touch.

“Spinel… you had time to think right?” he began gently. “Well. Even if you don’t have a hard answer yet, I want to know what you think first. What do  _ you _ think life's meaning is?”

Her lips parted confusedly, probably not having a concrete answer after all. “It’s really okay if you don’t know yet, I just want to know what you’ve thought so far. Honest answer, I’m open to what you’ll say,” he whispered.

Spinel let out a sigh, shifting you a position to her looking up at the increasingly darkened sky.

“I… I still can’t… help but feel like my life is always going to be serving a purpose. For whoever needs it to be filled out.”

Spinel didn’t dare take a glance at Steven, she was already anxious enough about telling him all of this, her legs increasing bouncing proof of this. She just gathered up her strength, took a deep breath, and continued.

“It’s what I was made for. I feel like I can never escape that. ‘Cause… I still love performing. I still love entertaining others and making them laugh. And I’m a  _ gem _ , not a normal person. There’s a possibility I’ll be here forever. I just can’t help but feel like it’s something I’ll always want to do, because it’s the one thing I kept with me that actually makes me happy. But I never know if that’s just me or my…  _ programming _ .”

Hearing her sob at the end made it click for Steven. It wasn’t just a matter of not knowing where life was going to take Spinel. It was just a matter of being afraid that her role was already taking her somewhere she had no control over.

He was struck silent for a moment, not knowing the proper way to dissolve her anxieties… Until he considered something.

“Well, that’s… kinda different from what I eventually thought of,” he eventually acknowledged, placing his hand on top of her head to encourage her to look up at him. “Even when I was just young and kinda naive. It’s always been in my mind that… life doesn’t entirely have a purpose. It always seemed like that purpose is always up to you and what you make of it.”

He paused to let her reflect on his words, words that she seemed to pick up on rather quickly.

“You know what I think, Spinel? I think you especially have that privilege of deciding what that purpose is. You already have something you have an idea of that could be that meaning. You’re good at it, and you like doing it. But the question is, do you want that to continue being your meaning?”

He sat her up in a way where she would directly face him, having her back toward the ever bustling ocean.

“The best part? You don’t have to listen to anyone to figure it out anymore.” Her eyes widened at that, causing him to laugh a bit. “Really. You’re your own person now, you don’t have to listen to anyone. Not my mom. Not the Diamonds. And not even  _ me.”  _ He moved his hands towards her face and squished her cheeks. “I’m here to help guide and listen to you. Not tell you what to do. Your life wouldn’t be your  _ own _ purpose if you always had someone who didn’t actually care try and force you to make the wrong choice right…? Otherwise,  _ my _ own conclusion of it would be kinda hypocritical!” He beamed at her. That blessed smile that always made her gem heart full, always made her feel safe again...

“Like you said, there’s a high chance you’ll be here forever. Forever's obviously long enough for you to figure it out. But don’t forget about me, okay? I may stay alive for a long time also. But I’m always gonna stay by your side in that time to help you through things, no matter what. Not to  _ tell _ you what to do with your life. But to support and be with you while you do it.”

…And always let Spinel know Steven knew what he was saying to her.

Spinel felt the tears she had been previously holding back stream down her face, but despite that, felt the corners of her mouth twitch. Trying to hide it, she sniffed and rested her forehead against Stevens, which he immediately reciprocated, happily.

She didn’t say anything after that. From resting her head on his shoulder to watch the sunset, right up to falling asleep in his lap, her head still resting on his shoulder.

Steven didn’t really need Spinel to say anything though. He was just glad to help her start realizing it was okay to think for herself once in a while. And really, her lack of words may have been the answer to that in itself.

**Author's Note:**

> So FIRST I struggle with writing a certain story it's taken me MONTHS to write out, but NOW when I decide to write for it and use this concept as a warm up and kind of vent writing if I'm being honest here, I write literal PAGES of it when it was supposed to be A FEW, A F E W SENTENCES OF FLUFF, TO THE POINT WHERE I WANT TO POST THIS ONE FIRST WITHOUT REVIEWING IT
> 
> And when was all this done? IN UNDER AN H O U R
> 
> I'm nowhere near mad. Just disappointed in *myself* lol
> 
> Anyway, hope you all enjoy this thing I concocted from beyond the grave. Stay safe protesting, where a mask, happy pride month, and all that jazz


End file.
